man in moms group?

Posted on 2/24/2009 by Sara

I am in a pretty extensive moms group and I am the “pending mama” person. When someone new wants to join I send them some info on the group and what’s going on that week, so we can meet them- make sure they aren’t kooky stalkers… Recently I went through the list to make contact with the new moms and there was a dad on the list. He is a SAHD with two kids, new to the area… I emailed him what was going on that week and made it clear that we are a moms group and emailed him a few other groups that he might want to join. He emailed me back saying that “this is 2009… I will find a more open minded group…” I didn’t  respond.

I agree, we are close minded, we are a MOMS GROUP. A place for MOMS to hang out with their kids. 

Was he out of line or was I?

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  • Sara Fill
    I too am the "boss lady" of a mom's group out here in WA. We DO allow dads in our group but I suppose it's all personal preference. I was not allowed to join several mom's groups becuase I am a working mama, so I guess that's why my group is a little more open minded about things like this. It sucks when to want your kid to get a chance to play with other kids but you're not allowed in. I feel for the guy. If he wants to come to Spokane, he can be one of us!
  • Jodi- email me crazysox (at) gmail.com
  • I think your response was reasonable. SAHD might be mad now, but he'll get over it.
    Sara so glad you found me. I'm guessing you found my blog through Keely's. Are you two in the MOMS' group together?
    Your kiddos are precious. Two kids are wonderfully busy aren't they?
    -Jodi (Allen) Howe
  • JaredB
    I think you were right to respond the way you did. Just because *he* may have been comfortable with the idea doesn't mean that all the moms in the group (current or future) would be, and he should accept that probability instead of trying to accuse the group of not being "open minded".



    First, it is a *mom*'s group, not a stay-at-home-parent's group, so that should be reason enough. I think it was good of you to give him some other options that may fit better with what he's looking for.



    Second, like you said, it's not a wide open group to begin with - it sounds like you have the "job" or responsibility of essentially screening potential new members for various reasons, one of them being whether the person might make the rest of the group uncomfortable. Sounds like you did exactly what you should have in that role.
  • "The --- Moms Group offers moms a way to meet friendly local moms to talk about yourself, your kids, your life, & to have FUN!"
  • martha
    Well, to be fair, you should put a disclaimer that there are no guys allowed. No, Dan should not be able to join a women's gym, but I think those are dumb anyway. But, the creepy dad at the park hovering just to make new friends-which will most likely be moms- is way worse than just including him.

    PS Why doesn't the comment thing remember me ever?
  • nstryker
    maybe you should change the name to "m.o.m.s.": menstruating, ovulating, mlactating support. that way dads know that you'll be talking about periods and nursing and occasionally having bra and panty tickle fights.
  • Should my husband be able to join the "all women's" gym?
    Dan, the guy was married. He was just new to the area so his kids didn't have any friends to hang with yet. I did email him the list of the "preschool reading times."
  • I'm sure he said that just to get to you after his plan of using the MOMs group as a dating scene was rejected.

    I disagree with Martha, he shouldn't have even been invited. I feel sorry if he can't find any friends but he could just go to the park anytime he wants and try to make friends that way.
  • martha
    What's the "2009" thing? I hate when people say stuff like that. Sometimes there are groups that are not "all inclusive" and that should be ok.
  • Courtney
    That's a tough one but I agree with Martha. I would have welcomed him but told him that he was the only dad so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable or could make a better decision as to join the group or not. I have a dad in my neighborhood who works part time and stays home while the wife works (she's a nurse). He brings his kids to my house all the time and hangs with me and Lindsay and whoever else is there :) It was kind of weird at first but it boils down to that he wants his kids to get out and have other kids to play with!
  • martha
    I think it was fine as long as you said he was welcome, but that there are no other dad's.
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